Friday, August 1, 2014

What Happened to Originality? Part Two

Every time a new sequel or a franchise reboot is announced, there’s a flurry of mixed reactions. Some people are genuinely excited to see their favorite movie continue. Others roll their eyes and complain that Hollywood has run out of ideas. Many are afraid that the original material will be so altered and perverted that in the end, it will be unrecognizable. I see this one a lot with book adaptations. I think most people just shrug their shoulders and say, “I dunno. I guess it could work” or simply don’t care.

Two years ago, I wrote how the box office was being saturated with sequels, remakes, and adaptations. (I should have included those awful parody movies like Scary Movie 5 and Vampires Suck.) I said that production companies were playing it safe by rehashing movies that performed well last year or basing movies off of superheroes, toys, or anything with a predetermined audience who would see the movie no matter what. I said this came at the expense of films with original plots and that audiences were just as much to blame as studios for this trend. 

This surge of sequels is unlikely to disappear any time soon. Of the top ten highest grossing movies of 2013, only two (Frozen at #4 and Gravity at #7) were not a sequel. (http://boxofficemojo.com/yearly/chart/?yr=2013&p=.htm)

I still stand by the article, but…allow me to back tread a bit. As much as I’d like to see more movies based on original material, some sequels and remakes are not the death of creativity in Hollywood.  In fact, some of them are quite good.

Let me explain.

Really there are two types of sequels.



The first is a carbon copy of the original movie. All the actors resume their old roles, the director and writer are usually the same, and the story follows the formula of the original. A few changes are made (usually the setting) and the stakes are sometimes raised. In Home Alone, Kevin McAllister fends off two witless burglars with homemade traps, discovers that an old person he was afraid of is just lonely and misunderstood, and realizes that his family isn’t as terrible as he’d thought. In Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, he does it all again with more elaborate traps and in a different setting.  A similar thing happens in the Hangover movies and tons of direct-to-DVD Disney sequels where the offspring of the original characters often go on the same adventure their parents did. If it worked the first time, why not a second?

The second type of sequel is a little more creative. Rather than repeat the story of the original movie, the sequel continues it. The characters have learned from their past experiences and go on to do different things. They meet new characters, face different obstacles, and often have to tie up loose threads from the last movie. Many will adhere to a formula (Indiana Jones for example), but each installment has it’s own identity.

In fact, I’ve found that within this category, there are tons of movies based on a book series. This makes perfect sense, of course. An ideal book series shows the protagonist’s character arc through a series of adventures and, especially in genre fiction, how the world changes around the protagonist. The Harry Potter series and The Hunger Games are great examples.

Both Harry Potter and Katniss Everdeen undergo huge transformations as they take on responsibilities, struggle to maintain key relationships, right major wrongs in their world, and ultimately suffer for it. The Wizarding World and Panem go from fairly stable societies that have overcome a dark past to outright civil war. Values are questioned, power is shifted, and in the end, evil is defeated, though it may rise again.

Compare this with the Bond movies. There’s a long list of clichés in each Bond movie (the beautiful femme fatales, the cool cars, gambling, the vodka martinis, the gadgets, the over-the-top villains, and outrageous traps) and each movie follows a very defined structure. A lot of franchises follow formulas, but the problem with the Bond movies (at least until recently) is that there is little continuity between films. Bond is a more of an embodiment of what men want to be than a dynamic character. He has character traits, but over the movies, he doesn’t learn anything. Furthermore, the same stock super villains come up with ridiculous plans to either take over or destroy the world, Bond gets some cool toys, goes to an exotic location, is nearly killed by guards, infiltrates the villain’s lair, is kidnapped, escapes, and blows up the lair with a girl in his arm. It’s fun to watch, but we’ve seen it all before.


Imagine if in Empire Strikes Back, we find that Luke Skywalker retired after destroying the Death Star, became a farmer and had a son. His son is completely in the dark about his father’s true profession until he and his wife are killed and a replacement Obi-wan has to teach the son about the Force. They join two smugglers who aren’t Han Solo and Chewbacca and blow up a second Death Star that the Emperor has built. Wouldn’t that have been awful? Okay, not as awful as the prequels, but still pretty disappointing.

What made Empire such a good movie – and to some, an improvement on the original Star Wars – was that it pushed the characters out of their comfort zone and out of ours. It gave its audience everything they loved in the first movie, but it also took risks.



His training to become a Jedi and the climactic discovery of his father’s identity, changes Luke from the cheerful young hero of the first movie into a wiser and more enlightened – if somewhat traumatized but also well-rounded – person. Han Solo and Leia go through probably one of the funniest but also most believable romances put on screen and these two people who couldn’t stand each other at the beginning of the movie realize their love for one another just before Han is frozen and presumed dead.  Darth Vader, one of the most iconic villains of all time, even shows a moment of tenderness for his son.

Where the original Star Wars had an exciting ending, Empire’s couldn’t be more different. Most of the characters are at their lowest point when the movie ends. The Empire has won this round, but the movie ends on an optimistic note. Whereas in many sequels, we know what is going to happen, Empire refused to follow our expectations. The Dark Knight ends in a similar way. It has it’s own three-act structure and similar themes of justice and good vs. evil, but the stakes have been raised. The obstacles are still there when the movie ends and we want to know how all of this is going to be resolved in the third film. A truly good sequel forces the characters to mature, progresses the story instead of repeating it, and makes everything from the first movie just a little grander.

Reboots and remakes aren’t entirely without merit, either. When adapting material that is already culturally well-known, a director has to reinvent the story a little bit or film it in an original way and it’s always interesting to see what approach a director will take. Of course, not all of it works. Some stray too far from the source material (Guess Who?, starring Ashton Kutcher, turns Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? into a bad comedy) while others cling too closely to it (Gus Van Sant’s shot-for-shot color remake of Psycho just makes you wish you were watching the original). But for every remake of Godzilla or The Day the Earth Stood Still, there’s a film that retells the original story and can exist as a self-contained film rather than an add-on. Sometimes it can be an improvement on the original or even eclipse it. Has anybody seen the original Scarface (1932) or Ocean’s Eleven (1960)?

I’d argue that for some characters to continue their relevance in popular culture, they have to be re-imagined.

The Adam West Batman series in the 1960’s was very much a product of its time. It’s enjoyable for its campiness, but has little substance otherwise. People probably would have continued to view Batman as a silly character if it hadn’t been for Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns.  Tim Burton would continue this more serious version of the Caped Crusader in his films. Both Miller and Burton added the conflict, mystery, and darker morality that is now synonymous with Batman. Batman became a character instead of a cartoon. Ironically, the next reboot by Joel Schumacher would revert to the campy, colorful, pun-ridden tone of the Adam West and then reversed when Christopher Nolan began his Batman reboot.



Personally, I’d say each of these movies is worth enduring if Nolan’s trilogy is the end result. I know many consider Burton’s Batman to be the best Batman movie, but I really love the complexity and philosophy of the reboot. With references to terrorism, the morality of fighting crime outside the justice system vs. within it, and becoming the villain in order to stop the villain, Nolan’s Dark Knight fits post-9/11 America the way Burton’s Batman can’t. Not that that is a fault of Burton’s, of course. They are two very different interpretations and I simply prefer the latter.

But Nolan could certainly make an action movie about crime, morality, and vigilantism using original characters. So why didn’t he? Well, obviously using Batman will draw more of an audience, but more importantly, I think Batman is such a cultural icon, using him will have more dramatic weight. Batman has to represent all the things that Batman has always represented in all his various incarnations, but he subsequently has to reflect our time. In The Dark Knight, he has to do some rather unflattering things to stop his adversaries, things that may or may not be justified. Because we already know Batman as a character, he is easier to empathize with when he does these things. With a completely new character, we may just see him as a corrupted cop when he wiretaps an entire city or breaks a man’s legs to get information. By using a pre-established character, Nolan can test what we think we know about him.

Superman has likewise been adapted over the years, though the reception of his latest movies is mixed. In Zach Snyder and Christopher Nolan’s Man of Steel, Superman is in darker territory. Again, the stakes are higher, the tone is more serious, and he has to change throughout the movie, even doing things that push him out of his comfort zone as a character. Now these are all the criteria I listed for reboots and sequels that expand upon or even improve upon the original, so why hasn’t it worked here?

It really comes down to character. While Superman is just as well-known as Batman, Superman is a much more static character. Batman has always occupied the gray area between right and wrong and is much more flexible in what he will and will not do to battle evil. Superman has always been incorruptible and well…perfect. A little too perfect. His moral code is basically that of a Boy Scout. Yes, he has the tragic back story like Batman, but while Batman is a flawed human being trying his best, Superman is more of a demigod who can do no wrong. It’s easy to root for him, but hard for an audience to identify with him. What sort of conflict would hold the length of a movie when the hero has no faults, never second-guesses his motives, holds no grudges, and is the living embodiment of Truth, Justice, and the American Way?

The protagonist of a great movie needs to struggle, doubt, imagine giving up, and in some cases even do some wrong before he overcomes his rival, but Superman’s identity is so firmly cemented in the public consciousness as an incorruptible hero, any attempts to give Superman more pathos or to push the boundaries of right and wrong, is usually met with backlash. Of course, this is exactly what Superman needs to be a compelling character, but when he kills his enemy in Man of Steel or arguable causes as much damage to a city as the villain, it doesn’t feel like forcing the character to mature like Luke Skywalker or show a dramatic arc like Harry Potter or Katniss Everdeen, it simply feels out of character.

So yes, while it is safer for studios to produce remakes and sequels, they will continue to be as much of a gamble as original content. Some will become new classics that inspire and entertain millions, some will bomb horribly, and many will be modest successes that are quickly forgotten. Even though these movies tread familiar ground, there will always be creativity of some sort even if it’s poorly executed or never fully realized. Besides, while sequels and remakes will continue to bombard the box office, I’m willing to endure five Transformers sequels and Twilight knock-offs for one Hunger Games.

Join me in the third and final installment where I talk about originality as a concept.



Sunday, September 8, 2013

Employed at Last


For the last six months, I've been looking for work. I wasn't having a lot of success so I took an unpaid internship doing grant writing and blogging for a nonprofit. As luck would have it, the week I finished the internship, I got a job offer. One of my coworkers at the framing store had left for our parent company, Michaels, and once a full-time position opened up, she recommended me. I went in yesterday to fill out the paperwork and I start the job Wednesday.

On one hand, I'm real glad to have this job. All my credit cards are maxed and even though I'm getting unemployment, I'm barely making my student loan payments. I'm just keeping my head above the water, so a 40 hour job with $11 an hour (hey, that's the most I've ever got!) is going to be a real lifesaver. Hell, maybe I can save up some money and even buy my family some decent Christmas presents. I'll be doing work I'm familiar with so all I really have to learn is their computer system and whatever minor changes they have in ordering. I get to work with a former coworker, so she can explain how things differ and give me some pointers. I'll even get health insurance.

On the other hand. I feel like I'm back at square-one. I wanted a job and now I have a job, but somehow I feel like I've settled. When I got out of college, I took this framing job telling myself I would only be there for a little while and soon find a job in my field and be able to move out of my mom's and start a life of my own. Well, three years passed and it didn't happen. Getting laid off was a bit of a wake-up call. I researched grant writing, freelance, and technical writing jobs and got an internship that gave me some much-needed experience. Now I'm back at retail once again. I know I should be happy, but it feels like I didn't get anywhere.

I suppose I can always work this job and keep applying for better jobs, but a little voice in my head tells me I'm going to be doing retail for the rest of my life. My life is passing me by and I'm not making any progress. I haven't got a job in my field, I'm not putting my degree to use, I haven't even written that damn book or gotten more than one or two paintings in a gallery much less sold one.

I shouldn't complain so much. Some of my friends have graduated with master's degrees in the sciences and have only done seasonal work and internships thus far. I just hate having to put my ambitions on hold so I can pay the bills.

Updates coming. I promise.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Pieces Series (part two)


I have a substantial update coming, I really do. I've just had a lot going on in my personal life. The company I worked for closed a few stores and mine was one of them. So I've spending most of my time job hunting. However, I have managed to get some painting done. Here's an update: 






 



 


This last one doesn't have a reference picture. I just made it up.











Sunday, December 30, 2012

What Happened to Originality? Part One


Critics and audiences have for years been wondering why Hollywood keeps churning out so many sequels, prequels, remakes, and movies that just seem to be the same? More and more movies seem to have the same tired plotlines, the same stereotype characters, and the same clichés. I remember watching the preview for Avatar. From those two minutes, I figured out the entire movie: the conflict, the character motivations, the so-called twist at the ending. The only thing I was missing was three hours of special effects and a terrible wannabe Celine Dion song at the end.

2011 broke the record with 27 sequels, prequels, and remakes: Cars 2, Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2: Rodrick Rules, The Hangover Part II, Happy Feet 2, Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil, Johnny English Reborn, Kung Fu Panda 2, Piranha 3D, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, Alvin and The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Momma’s House: Like Father, Like Son, Madea’s Big Happy Family, Paranormal Activity 3, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Scream 4, Spy Kids 4: All The Time in the World, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn (Part One), Fast Five, Final Destination 5, Puss in Boots, X-Men: First Class, Winnie the Pooh, The Muppets, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part Two).



This isn’t a new phenomenon, of course. Halloween started out as an independent film on a tiny budget but now has ten films to its name; A Nightmare on Elm Street has eight sequels; Friday the 13th has eleven sequels; and The Land Before Time has twelve sequels, two sing-a-longs, and a TV series. Remember when Disney was relying on Pixar to make decent movies and had somehow fallen from the greatest American animation studio to an assembly line of direct-to-video sequels? Who was really clambering for Lady and the Tramp 2: Scamp’s Adventure or a sequel to The Fox and the Hound? If Disney had taken all the time and money put into those sequels and channeled it into a project like Aladdin or The Lion King, they could have really made something to be proud of. So why didn’t they?

Why don’t we have more movies like Inception, Fantasia, or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Doesn’t the movie industry value creativity anymore? What happened to originality?

Well, originality is still in Hollywood. It’s just very hard to find. Movie audiences have an idealized fantasy of how movies are really made. Many people think there’s a writer working for years on a perfect screenplay. He’s working two minimal wage jobs in the day and he comes home and works through the night on his dream. He pitches it to a movie studio and instantly, they recognize its genius and pay him $10 million for it, a director falls in love with the script, actors want a part of it, the studio gives them $200 million and they go off and make a great movie.

That does happen but it’s extremely rare. While everyone in the movie industry wants to regard their work as art, when all is said and done, a movie is a commodity. It has to make more money than it cost to make in order for it to be successful. Like any commodity, it comes down to demographics. In reality, the idea for movies mostly comes from the producers. “We need an action movie that’s going to mimic the style of all the movies with that gritty, realistic shaky-cam work to appeal to the 15-30 male demographic, but we should add in a love story for the women.” The writer gets to work but has to write the script to cater to these demands, then rewrite the entire thing when Shia LeBeouf is cast as the lead. Even if he or she does this successfully, the producers can change their mind at any time. If it’s decided that the script it too dark, some pop culture jokes are shoe-horned in. If an actress is replaced, her character has to change to suit the new actress. Sometimes the director has a loose idea for a story and relies on a screenwriter to flesh it out. Then the director might not think the script is on par with his own “vision” and half the script is tossed out anyway.

Studios have to follow the current market. If something is popular, they want to cash in on it before it’s become tired. They want to mimic movies that are making lots of money. It’s amazing how some studios will all-out copy others. For example, Pixar made Finding Nemo in 2003. It wasn’t daringly original or industry-changing, but it was a great family movie (Every time I go to an aquarium and see clown fish, there’s always a child there saying it’s Nemo). Every kid has seen this movie. It made $867,893,978 at the box office. DreamWorks saw this and decided they too could make an animated underwater adventure. Instead of writing a script around a father and son’s relationship, learning to continue with life after tragedy, and growing up, this movie was parody of a mob movie. Because what kid hasn’t seen Good Fellas or The Godfather? Jack Black, Renée Zellweger, Will Smith, Martin Scorsese, and Robert DeNiro were all hired for voice work. One year later, we got Shark Tale.

I’m convinced that movie studios are spying on one another. How else can you explain a pair of strikingly similar movies released around the same time? Such movies include Armageddon and Deep Impact (1998), The Prestige and The Illusionist (2006), Dante’s Peak and Volcano (1998), Babe and Gordy (1995), Artificial Intelligence and Bicentennial Man (1999), Dark City (1998) and The Matrix (1999), Antz and A Bug’s Life (1998), Mission to Mars and The Red Planet (2000), and this year, Mirror, Mirror and Snow White and the Huntsman. C.O.R.E. Animation (of Canada) was working on a movie with a gang of animals that escape from the Central Park Zoo. Disney released it in 2006. No, it’s not Madagascar. Dreamworks apparently found a leaked script, made a movie that was actually better, and released it a year earlier. The Disney movie was called The Wild. It made almost no money, disappointed critics and audiences, and now hardly anyone remembers it. Madagascar, however, has a TV series and is on it’s third sequel.

Studios are a business. Originality is great and all, but it’s very risky. It’s much easier and more profitable to make a movie based on a book, a toy, or a TV show that has a definite audience before the movie’s even made. When adapting The A-Team into a movie, executives at 20th Century Fox knew that people who watched the show in the 80’s were definitely going to pay $7.50 to see this. Columbia Pictures wasn’t going to pass up on The DaVinci Code when someone suggested turning the best-selling book of the century into a film. Just look at how many movies are being made out of things we watched and played with as children. We already have an attachment to Transformers action figures, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV show, even the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. Does it translate to good plots, convincing characters, and a few Oscars along the way? No, but it sure is great business.

Doing something original is always going to be a gamble. An original movie could be a phenomenal success or it could be a box office dud. The Blair Witch Project was real experimental when it came to horror movies. It cost almost nothing to make, had no special effects, and its actors were virtually unknown. It ended up making $248,639,099. Being John Malkovich was a witty dark-comedy about identity and the chance to literally be someone else. It was released the same year as The Blair Witch Project but only made $32,382,381. Of course, a lot of that has to do with marketing and how you brand your movie overseas, but it still shows just how much variance there is in choosing to do something new. 

Of course, an original movie does strike gold once and a while. Everyone breathes a breath of fresh air and praises the way this movie forged new ground, defied conventions, refused to be categorized, etc., etc. ,etc. The problem is that once this happens, everyone else is going to try to imitate that success, then reference it, then parody it, until the original idea is a nothing more than a cliché.

There are few genres where this is more true than in horror movies. Look at the history of horror movies and you can easily divide them into eras like periods of American literature. Throughout the 30’s and 40’s, most were based on novels – Frankenstein, Dracula, and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – before spawning their own franchises and having various characters meet (Frankenstein Meets Dracula then, Freddy vs. Jason and Alien vs. Predator now). In the 1950’s, movies like Godzilla and Invasion of the Body Snatchers capitalized on the Cold War’s paranoia of foreigners and atomic weaponry, but before long studios were only making the same movie about a mad scientist with a monster destroying a city. Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho is still regarded as a landmark but it began the “slasher” genre. George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead means another zombie movie every other year. Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist reintroduced us to the occult and continue to inspire movies like The Rite and The Exorcism of Emily Rose. In the 80’s, Halloween and A Nightmare on Elm Street launched their own franchises as the “slasher” movie was reanimated in the 90’s.



The Ring, though a remake of a Japanese film, was seen as an updated version of David Cronenburg’s Videodrome. It ushered in a series of Japanese remakes like Dark Water and The Grudge as well as movies that combined the paranormal and technology like Pulse and Feardotcom. Before it became it became a 7-part series, Saw was a pretty original concept that had little gore and relied more on the acting and suspense than a house of Home Alone booby-traps gone wrong. It inspired the “torture porn” era of Hostel, Wolf Creek, The Human Centipede, and 24. Now – for better or for worse – we’re in a remake phase.

So what’s a film buff to do?

Actually, I don't hate remakes and sequels. Some of my favorite movies are adaptations of someone else's work? How so? Check back in PART TWO and I'll explain.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Pieces Series

*blows the dust off this blog* 

Sorry about the absence. I had a goddamn wildfire in my backyard, a few financial problems, and I've been getting more hours at work. Fortunately, I've had the chance to get back into painting. I bought these 11 x 14 multipack canvases months ago for practicing, but I'm thinking about doing a series of small works with them. I have about 40 blank ones. Going through all my nature photos, I realized most of them weren't real landscapes but close-ups of snow on branches, an arrangement of pebbles, the shadows of trees, etc. Why not do a series of just these little vignettes? It'd be much easier to do a few 11 x 14 paintings than one 40 x 60 painting, and if I mess up one of the little ones, it won't be any real loss. On a more economical note, it'd be easier to get these into a coffee shop or local gallery. People in this town eat this kind of art up like candy. Maybe I can finally earn some money with this art degree?


I have four done at the moment. As you can see below, I'm not really trying to do a photorealistic copy of the photos. Instead, I'm just trying to find lines and shapes and figure out how various colors can work together to create a sense of space and movement. I'm trying not to think about it too much. Keep watching this blog, there'll be more of these to come.




 

 

 




Sunday, January 22, 2012

Ten of the Most Overrated Books

*pulls on his bulletproof vest, straps on his helmet and life vest, readies an epinephrine shot, and locks himself in a fallout shelter with his computer* Okay then. 


Just a couple of things. This is all my personal opinion. If you absolutely love one of these books, more power to you. They're just books that garnered tons of praise, all kinds of award, and when I sat down to read them, they fell flat. The writing style was obnoxious, the narrator was real didactic, the characters were annoying, or the plot just had too many holes. Now I'm not saying these are the most overrated books ever. These are just the ones I have read. That's why you won't find any of the Twilight books on here or War and Peace. I'm sure I'll find plenty of welcome additions to this list over the years.


That said, here they are in no particular order (except the last one which I hold a special grudge against):



1.     Dracula, by Bram Stoker

Often considered a cornerstone of gothic literature and modern horror, Dracula is responsible for popularizing the vampire, thus, inspiring several movie franchises, book series, and one of the most famous accents. The book itself starts out strong with real estate agent Jonathan Harker travelling to Count Dracula’s castle. Everything it there: the wolves, the famous lines, the chilling atmosphere, the three slutty vampires eating an infant, but it doesn’t last. Most of the book is a series of letters between Lucy and Mina and it is boring as hell. Dracula and the psychopath Renfield are the most fascinating characters but they don’t get much time in the novel. It mostly centers around Van Helsing, Jonathan, and the two women. Though he’s be reinterpreted as vampire-slaying badass in recent movies and comic books, he’s more of a doctor here and really doesn’t have much depth or a good back story. I won’t spoil the ending for you, but for a villain of Dracula’s caliber, I felt a little cheated how easily he was defeated. The horror is definitely there, but in small amounts. The rest of the book just drags too much to be a classic.

2.     The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
I think I read this book for the same reason many other adolescents have picked it up: it was controversial. The book was a sensation when it came out, it has been pulled from libraries, banned in schools, and was supposedly what led the crazed fan Mark David Chapman to shoot his idol, John Lennon. It continues to be part of our culture: a musing probe into teenage insecurity, anger, and melancholy. I guess, but I was pretty underwhelmed. I’m probably supposed to identify with Holden Caulfield, a lonely boy who – recently expelled from another prep school – wanders about New York City getting drunk and talking to random people, but he just comes off as a whiney emo brat who doesn’t realize how privileged he is. “Oh, woe is me!” The story has little focus and little conflict; it’s like a pretentious bastard recorded every genius thought he had as he ran errands in New York City. I don’t necessarily object to unlikeable protagonists, but I really don’t think Holden carries the novel well. I’d like to get to know Jane or Allie better, but we’re stuck with Holden. I guess I appreciate what the novel did for modern fiction, but I personally can’t stand this book.

3.     The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath
Often cited as a landmark in feminist and twentieth-century literature, The Bell Jar is a thinly disguised autobiography that centers on college undergrad, Esther, who has been born with no personality. The Bell Jar is supposed to be about her mental breakdown but it really just sounds like the whining of a privileged rich girl. Nothing leads up to the breakdown; it just comes out of nowhere and when it does arrive, it’s not very interesting. She doesn’t change or discover anything about herself and the cliffhanger ending where she just goes into a doctor’s office and the book ends is infuriating. The first half is filler. I guess it’s meant to show what her life was like before the breakdown but nothing she does reveals anything about her character and the other characters that are introduced have nothing to do with the story and are never heard from again. Keep this one on the shelf and pick up One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest instead.



4.     White Noise, by Don DeLillo
I’ve found that most of DeLillo’s books are like the Colorado Avalanches: both the novels and the games start out strong but get weaker and weaker as they go. One of his later novels - Mao II – opens with a pretty spectacular mass wedding in a baseball stadium, evoking questions of individuality, conformity, religion, and entertainment. White Noise opens with college students moving into their new dorms. As commonplace as that sounds, it’s about as exciting as this novel gets. There’s an assassination, a chemical leak that forces a town to evacuate, and a mysterious drug that eliminates the fear of death, yet somehow it all seems incredibly boring.

I think it comes down to the characters. DeLillo’s characters are just mouthpieces for his own reflections. Granted a lot of authors do that and there’s nothing wrong with having a character being defined by their beliefs (Dostoyevsky does it well in The Brothers Karamazov), but in White Noise, that’s all the characters are. They have no dimension, they discuss death and modernism as dully as a philosophy dissertation, and when they’re in peril, I really just don’t care. There’s just nothing likeable or human to attach to. This isn’t the first book to talk about commercialism and it’s effects in Suburbia and certainly not the best.

5.     Gravity’s Rainbow, by Thomas Pynchon
“My book is an impenetrable labyrinth of literary masturbation. No one on Earth can understand it. It must be profound!”












6.    A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole
This book isn’t awful; it’s really just a mediocre book. The reason I’m listing it here is because it has such a huge following. Toole couldn’t find a publisher and committed suicide. Lo and behold, ten years later it’s published and wins the Pulitzer. People claim this novel is hysterical, but it really isn’t. I chuckled a couple of times, but that’s it. Toole creates a colorful cast of characters but aside from the mother, they’re pretty one-dimensional. Ignatius, the main character, is a loud-mouthed, preachy, self-inflated bum. He’s a lot of fun as an unlikeable main character, but the problem is that he, too, is a one-note character. As in The Bell Jar, he doesn’t change, he doesn’t learn anything about himself, he just keeps on being an annoying leech only with his girlfriend instead of his mother. The end doesn’t resolve a lot of plot points and I remember thinking, “Really, that’s it?”




7.    The Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien
*dodges bullets* I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I had to put it on here. This is another book where I appreciate what it did for the genre much more than I appreciate the book.  I like that the various cultures of Middle Earth have their histories and languages and that there’s definitely a world created beyond the four corners of the page, but Tolkien just couldn’t edit it down. There are massive long-winded descriptions of fields, how the elves make win, and the lineage of dwarf kings. The plot and the characters definitely take a back seat to the setting. It’s hard to get emotionally involved when the story is interrupted by a five-page tangent on a forest.

This is one of my few exceptions to the rule “The book was better than the movie.” Peter Jackson’s film trilogy surprisingly does a better job developing its characters and establishing its plot than the book does. Tolkien has his moments – Gollum is a great character – but The Lord of the Rings reads much more like a history textbook than a story. This should be no surprise since Tolkien was a linguist, historian, and Oxford professor, but he managed to pull everything off with The Hobbit, I just don’t know why he failed to do it here.

8.   The DaVinci Code, by Dan Brown
This book only became a bestseller because it was controversial. The actual history of how the Catholic Church got started and how the religion changed over time is pretty fascinating and I think a lot of people wanted to look at some of the origins of their beliefs but the research is incredibly sloppy. First and foremost, the Prior of Scion was disproven as a hoax by a Frenchman trying to claim he was descended from Christ in the late 50’s. Brown gets a lot of basic facts wrong like his assertion that the Olympic Games were in honor of the Sacred Feminine with the pentacle as the symbol. Actually, the games were meant to honor Zeus and the games had no emblem until they were revived in France in the 19 century. When the author is constantly getting his facts wrong, it’s hard to take the book seriously.

Still, The DaVinci Code is a work of fiction. So what if some facts are skewed? Well, the book fails there as well. The tone of the narrator is preachy, always pushing his social opinions and often, it’s hard to tell if where in Langdon’s thoughts or the narration. There’s all these holes in the story. Why didn’t any of Sophie’s family try to find her if she was allegedly from the Merovingian bloodline? Do the police just not think to take her and Langdon in for questioning? Really, nobody found that tomb when they were building the Louvre? Not to mention all the “Well, that’s what they want you to think” logic.

9.   The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Díaz
This is another terrible book that was flooded with awards including the National Book Critics Circle Award and the Pulitzer. This book takes place in New Jersey and the Dominican Republic so it should have had a interesting sense of culture but instead we just get tons of “Spanglish,” slang, and footnotes which really don’t add anything to the already thin plot. The sense of place just isn’t there. Also, the narration is choppy and real difficult to get into. The copious footnotes are just distracting; why can’t they be worked into the narrative?

Furthermore, Díaz inserts as many references to nerd culture as he can but his main character – the comic book living Oscar – feels flat and lifeless. I feel like he’s not trying to describe a character, but just trying way too hard to be clever.  The book has no sense of flow, the narrator rambles on, and the writing is just plain bad. Half of this book could be edited out. Díaz is just trying to write in the flashiest prose that he can but utterly forgets his story and his characters.

10. The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand
Rand has experienced a surge of new readers among conservatives and libertarians in the wake of Glenn Beck and The Tea Party. She’s sort of this bizarre pop philosopher that goes in and out of style depending upon the current political climate. She wrote dozens of essays and books about her philosophy, Objectivism, and really that’s what she should have stuck with. Her books are just dry and boring as tax codes, overwritten like a Russian novel (she did emigrate from the Soviet Union), didactic as a Baptist preacher, and have the overdone drama of most romance novels. There really aren’t characters so much as manifestations of ideas all competing. They’re thinner than cardboard and are nothing like real people.

The Fountainhead centers around an architect named Howard Roark. He’s a genius (Rand makes sure to hammer this into his head) and care about nothing but himself and his buildings.  In the first few chapters, I thought, “This character is kind of a dick. I’ll bet he has a life-changing experience or meets someone who makes him realize the world doesn’t revolve around his ego.” But no, this is Rand’s notion of the ideal man! Her books champion individuality, ideological and artistic freedom, and being true to yourself – which are all fine things that need to be defended – but Rand sees the world entirely in black and white and takes these ideas to the extreme. When a firm makes some changes to a building without Roark’s knowledge or consent, he dyamites the building to the ground. Another character buys a statue from a museum then throws it down a laundry chute and destroys it so that no one else can have the pleasure of looking at it.

Everything in the novel is framed as Roark vs. everyone else, selfishness vs. altruism, the individual vs. the collective, the lone genius and the masses of jealous ignorant leeches who want to bring him down out of jealousy. It’s a 600-page lecture on the virtue of selfishness (the title of one of her books, seriously), greed, and morality that ends at the tip of your nose. Charities, environmentalists, and humanitarians are wasting their time. This is one of the few books where I hate the writing style as much as I hate the message. Ayn Rand’s message may be popular among Tea Partiers now, but it’s nothing more than a childish, egocentric philosophy: a philosophy of half-truths with no place for compassion, friendship, or the outside world. I imagine Rand must have died an admired writer, but without a single friend.